Tell No Tales
by Mentally-Unstable
Summary: Whoever said 'the truth will set you free' never went through what Daniel's about to go through...after inhaling a strange substance offworld, Daniel Jackson can't stop himself from saying what he really means, even if it may get him into trouble.


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Fandom: Stargate SG-1

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Title: Tell No Tales

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Genre: Humor/General  
**Rating**: PG-13

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Season: 3/4

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Summary: Whoever said 'the truth will set you free' never went through what Daniel's about to go through...after inhaling a strange substance offworld, Daniel Jackson can't stop himself from saying what he really means, even if it may get him into trouble.

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A/N: This was originally intended to be a one-shot, but I thought of a bunch of things I could do with it, so another multi-chaptered fic was born!! This also marks the first appearance of my cherished OC, Captain McCoy, who makes appearances throughout, but isnt a major player in this particular story. Anyway, because Daniel is soooo much fun to torment, I hope you enjoy!

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01. 1000 years worth of dust

For the tenth time that mission, Daniel Jackson sneezed.

Colonel Jack O'Neill rolled his eyes as he handed Daniel the last travel-size package of Kleenex, "I thought the doc gave you something for that."

"Well, that was for indoor danders and animal fur...I'm not sure what's causing this outbreak." Daniel paused, before sneezing again, "Probably some dust in the air or...somethin'."

"Maybe this?" Captain Autumn McCoy smirked as she held up an artifact covered in dust and blew on it, the dust stirring up and causing Daniel to explode in a fit of sneezes. She raised an eyebrow, "Oops."

"Why do you..._achoo!_...hate me so?" Daniel asked, sniffling.

"She doesn't hate you, Danny...she just enjoys watching you suffer." Jack said with a grin. McCoy shook her head and offered Daniel her handkerchief, "Here...sorry, I didn't know it would halfway kill you."

"Oh, so much you have to learn." Daniel nodded, accepting the hanky from her and proceeding to blow his nose. She turned away and cringed.

"Well, looks like we're missing a party." Major Sam Carter said with a smirk as she and Teal'c arrived at the makeshift camp, returning from their perimeter search.

"Oh yeah, it's a blast." Daniel said with a sniffle. Teal'c raised an eyebrow, "Do you enjoy enduring the suffering that accompanies your allergies, Daniel Jackson?"

Daniel frowned, "No, Teal'c. I was...being sarcastic."

Teal'c stared at Daniel in thought, and Jack interrupted before the conversation could go any furthur, "So, Carter! Perimeter search--anything exciting?"

Carter shook her head, smiling softly, "No, sir. And there was nothing to suggest any recent activity in the area, but the rest of SG-9 took point by the 'Gate in case any Goa'uld decided to show. They didn't want to take any chances since this planets address was found in the original Abydos cartouche."

"Should we not accompany them, Major Carter?" Teal'c asked, and Carter shook her head, "Colonel Erickson said he had it under control. But I was getting some pretty strong energy readings about twenty clicks south of here, and was wondering if..."

Jack nodded, "Go. Teal'c, you help her with her equipment and...doohickies."

"And what will you be doing, O'Neill?" Teal'c cocked his head to the side, staring quizzically at the colonel. Jack cleared his throat, "I'll be here...you know...observing!" He motioned to Daniel and McCoy, who had managed to wander from the camp and back to the temple several yards away, now sorting through the pile of rubble that Daniel referred to as _artifacts_. "Somebody's gotta make sure those two don't hurt themselves." Jack nodded defiantly, and Carter let out a laugh before she and Teal'c headed off.

Sighing as he watched them walk away, Jack glanced at his watch before standing up from his sitting position on the large rock he'd claimed as his and headed over to the temple. It was a medium sized stone structure, the only structure for miles as a matter of fact, with a large entranceway that lead into a small dark area full of ancient writings and rocks. It all looked the same to Jack, but to Daniel it was a paradise.

Speaking of the caffeinated archaeologist, Jack had to stifle a laugh as he peered into the room now lit up with gas lamps, and saw Daniel lying stomach-down on the stone floor, his upper body hidden in a large nook in the farthest wall. Captain McCoy was on her knees behind him, shining a flashlight, "Have you got it?"

"Almost." Daniel grunted, his voice muffled. He struggled a few more moments before exclaiming in excitement, "Ah! Got it. Though, I'm not exactly sure _what_ it is..." He managed to pull himself out and sit upright. McCoy shined her flashlight on him and let out a laugh at the sight of his gravity-defying hair and dirt caked face and glasses, "Geez, Doctor Jackson, what exactly was in there?"

"Try a thousand years worth of dust." He removed his glasses, wiped them on his handkerchief, and placed them back over his eyes before picking up the small box he had acquired.

"So what is it?" McCoy asked, and Daniel took a moment to study it. It was made of pure gold and inlaid with several kinds of rare gems. The lid depicted a slightly disturbing picture of a face, carved in silver, and some ancient sort of text around it. Tracing the text with his finger tip, Daniel mouthed the words silently to himself before translating aloud, "It's a very rough derivative of Medieval Latin, suggesting whoever inhabited this planet were descendants of the Ancient Romans. Anyway, from what I can tell, the text translates into _Burn thy tongue which speaks foul in the eyes of our Gods._"

"Ooh, that sounds like fun!" Jack spoke up finally, stepping into the temple. Daniel looked up then, "Jack, how long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough to see you getting stuck in the thousand year old dust pit. And by the way, I don't see you sneezing now!"

Daniel frowned, "I wasn't stuck. And I...I...oh..." He erupted in a fit of sneezes and groaned loudly, "Thank you, Jack."

"Oh what, I reminded you had to sneeze?" He rolled his eyes, "So what's in the fancy box?"

Shrugging, Daniel stood up from the ground, brushing his pants off as he pushed past Jack out into the light of day. Jack turned and exchanged glances with McCoy, "In case you're wondering--yes, he's always like that."

The Captain grinned, "I had a feeling he was, sir."


End file.
